Hello from South Africa

Did you know then when you pray for something bad to happen to someone it's black magic?

I am mentioning this because i overheard someone talking about doing this about people he resented. I wonder if he is aware of the karmic consequences.

Anyway, here I am in South Africa. My shoulder blades and neck are tense and hurting. I think it's from watching Desperate Housewives lying on my belly with pillows under my head.

serves me right then i suppose! It could also be from exercising which I have not done in 2 days

I was supposed to start daily but circumstances didn't allow.

I WILL go tomorrow.

My relationship with my beautiful partner Joseph is going well. Of course there are moments when it feels like things need work and of course they do, but is there a relationship out there that does not need work? The bottom line is - love - respect - honesty and trust.

Those are the qualities i think you need and we are certainly working on all those things and they are there as much as possible. I have come to the deep understanding that relationship is a mirror. The challenges you face in a relationship are a part of yourself and a part of your parents dynamic repeating , so you can look at them . You may want to heal things in your relationship but the only true healing comes when you work on yourself because your relationship is mirroring something within you. So is your relationship with life. Its just a macrocosm of whats happening in your microcosm. But we forget, it seems. So we need reminding.

I seem to be in a constant battle with myself and questioning whether i over - intellectualize

and over analyse rather than just be - I have this 'fear' that if I don't understand then I will miss something and something could go wrong. Then I ask myself 'what is the harm in understanding something'?

I suppose nothing but there is a danger in over thinking things and missing life while you are thinking about it.

I wonder if anyone has life truly figured out? Yoga Masters? They are still human though right?

So I stopped drinking in January. Its now mid July

My aim is to also not have sugar, wheat and ideally dairy but I love cheese .

Oh my God a life without cheese? I will be like monk or a nun with no scooter!!!!

Angels in the background

So Doreen Virtue's angel meditation is playing in the background.

I feel empty. Devoid of love.

I am engaged to a man I dearly love. So why do I feel this way?

Well...

Fear?

Yes

Fear of What? I ask myself

Fear of losing him and him acting on his addictions.

You know what Florence would say, I hear myself think .... I hear the words TRUST on the recorded material in the background. A synchronous reminder from the universe. So Florence Scovel Shinn in her book the game of life and how to play it and her other books 'Your Word Is your wand' talks about how you attract what you fear. I have seen examples of this fact in my own life several times. So how then do I , knowing this. Let go of my fear? 'The Angels' I hear myself think. Ok then angels, please take away from me my fear.

I need your help now. 'We now call upon the romance angels' the recording says.

Romance begins with you, Doreen Virtue is saying on the recording.

Ok then , I think - I am willing to learn to begin loving myself more.

Even though i catch myself in the mirror looking in horror, I am willing to learn to love myself a little more each day. I am safe. I am safe. It is safe for me to love and to be loved.

Ok i am working on it...................