Hello from South Africa

Did you know then when you pray for something bad to happen to someone it's black magic?

I am mentioning this because i overheard someone talking about doing this about people he resented. I wonder if he is aware of the karmic consequences.

Anyway, here I am in South Africa. My shoulder blades and neck are tense and hurting. I think it's from watching Desperate Housewives lying on my belly with pillows under my head.

serves me right then i suppose! It could also be from exercising which I have not done in 2 days

I was supposed to start daily but circumstances didn't allow.

I WILL go tomorrow.

My relationship with my beautiful partner Joseph is going well. Of course there are moments when it feels like things need work and of course they do, but is there a relationship out there that does not need work? The bottom line is - love - respect - honesty and trust.

Those are the qualities i think you need and we are certainly working on all those things and they are there as much as possible. I have come to the deep understanding that relationship is a mirror. The challenges you face in a relationship are a part of yourself and a part of your parents dynamic repeating , so you can look at them . You may want to heal things in your relationship but the only true healing comes when you work on yourself because your relationship is mirroring something within you. So is your relationship with life. Its just a macrocosm of whats happening in your microcosm. But we forget, it seems. So we need reminding.

I seem to be in a constant battle with myself and questioning whether i over - intellectualize

and over analyse rather than just be - I have this 'fear' that if I don't understand then I will miss something and something could go wrong. Then I ask myself 'what is the harm in understanding something'?

I suppose nothing but there is a danger in over thinking things and missing life while you are thinking about it.

I wonder if anyone has life truly figured out? Yoga Masters? They are still human though right?

So I stopped drinking in January. Its now mid July

My aim is to also not have sugar, wheat and ideally dairy but I love cheese .

Oh my God a life without cheese? I will be like monk or a nun with no scooter!!!!

Angels in the background

So Doreen Virtue's angel meditation is playing in the background.

I feel empty. Devoid of love.

I am engaged to a man I dearly love. So why do I feel this way?

Well...

Fear?

Yes

Fear of What? I ask myself

Fear of losing him and him acting on his addictions.

You know what Florence would say, I hear myself think .... I hear the words TRUST on the recorded material in the background. A synchronous reminder from the universe. So Florence Scovel Shinn in her book the game of life and how to play it and her other books 'Your Word Is your wand' talks about how you attract what you fear. I have seen examples of this fact in my own life several times. So how then do I , knowing this. Let go of my fear? 'The Angels' I hear myself think. Ok then angels, please take away from me my fear.

I need your help now. 'We now call upon the romance angels' the recording says.

Romance begins with you, Doreen Virtue is saying on the recording.

Ok then , I think - I am willing to learn to begin loving myself more.

Even though i catch myself in the mirror looking in horror, I am willing to learn to love myself a little more each day. I am safe. I am safe. It is safe for me to love and to be loved.

Ok i am working on it...................

The lost angel

The truth. Is it always the best policy? Yes is my answer. I can't live with lies and deceit.
So I spent the last month developing a deepening friendship with someone I have never met except through cyberspace on facebook. Part angel part nephilim an ancient race mentioned in the bible.
OK maybe i may have one or two facts in my information wrong or somehow distorted perhaps, i was not sure??? Wrong because when i was talking to him, getting information was like removing teeth, slow and painful. The fact is I love my partner, yet a deepening relationship was forming with Raffaele that was reaching fever pitch in the emotional department. Something beyond physical, after all we had never met. Yet there was an intense love between us. Perhaps the ancient Egyptian connection from another life.
He fearlessly told me of how he worked for a being of karma, how he was a demon in another life, a vampire even, was i or he being tricked by the ego by creating fanciful stories? Doubtful.
The truth is always stranger than fiction. He promoted dark angels on his facebook profile yet claimed to be of the light . I believed him. It reached the point where i had to tell my beloved partner the truth that i had developed feelings for this man. So I did, therefore i faced losing him.
It felt like a cactus in my stomach . A big one. Losing Raffaele felt like my heart had been torn out , yet to lose Svein would mean my whole world would fall apart. One was a relationship in cyberspace , also etheric , spiritual, romantic full of danger mystery and seduction . The other was more than 3 years of intense real physical relationship that had become despondent and badly needed some emergency repair. Mouth to mouth, heart to heart, D.I.Y. T.L.C. honesty , alignment and downright attention. Honesty is just so damned uncomfortable. I would rather hide under a rock than face this but I don't like insects , and i know they live there.
So I cut off the connections to Raffaele and I'm feeling the loss. If I had lost Svein I would have been an empty shell regardless of the love from this angel.
My solace was that he had hundreds of facebook friends and could easily divert his his attention to them and perhaps with time, the pain would fade.And I cling to the possibility that had we met the magic would soon have faded. There were signs on both side that were calling our names. The signs and sychronicities were numerous, but energy flows where attention goes. Every song had a meaning , even today after reading an article on the law of attraction channeled by Esther Hicks, where was the channeled article I read channelled?
San Raffaele of course.
GOD PLEASE GIVE ME STRENGTH.
Thankfully I have a bottle of Bach Rescue Remedy to hand.Knowing that the universe provides.
Thank you.
Staying in the light and following the music
Alexis.

Purple Robes

Purple Robes
In my mind he wore a purple robe, I could see it , it was velvet, majestic and regal exactly as the monarch would wear.We spoke of other dimensions, Aliens and the Greek dynasties of old like it was yesterday.It was strange yet totally still and real .I am referring to my meeting with the master of voice Stewart Pearce. We had tea, the most beautiful peach (i think it was, sencha tea) sencha for sens u al.He told me how his spirit guide was Saint Germain and that the angels had given him 'The Alchemy of voice ' and how was doing an Atlantean retreat, and how his father worked for the royal family who he spent time with growing up. He later became Master of Voice at the Globe Theatre and he spoke of how the Mother Mary was still alive in the Oratory and that Jesus was with us in the architecture of the Victoria and Albert Museum. And the geomancy and symmetry and flow of the energy and whoever designed the place was definitely 'In the know'He pointed out the energetic differences as we walked further into the building, surrounded by stunning architectural beauty and beauty in so many other forms that I cannot count.He was a strange mix of vulnerability and authority and absolutely beautiful and i told him so.Ever humble and without any ego he gracefully told me it was what was coming through him that was so magnetic . But it was also him.I could have spent days in his company, easily, here was a man i have admired and looked up to for years. For his work and for his magnetism and just his sheer spellbinding beauty. I recalled that when i had first met him some years before , attending a lecture at the inner potential centre in Fulham , after the talk , i wanted to follow him out of the building all the way home just to breathe in the energy coming from the man. I know it sounds like a crazy besotted stalker and in that moment in time that is exactly what I felt like. I went home all those years ago and he had left an imprint. And I had bought the book alchemy of voice. And here i was meeting him having tea to discuss interviewing him for the TV show Pilot I and my American friend and co-host Veronica were to film in the coming months. It was obvious and it was voiced that the angels had orchestrated (or 'Stage Managed' as he put it) - our meeting. He wore a violet shirt, incredibly and pristinely cut what looked like black bell bottoms- that I only noticed as we said goodbye -and a beautiful Amethyst square ring on one hand an A-U-M ring made out of diamonds on the other that his Indian Master had given to him he told me. I had a total respect for his knowledge, and he smelled like a million dollars, I asked and it was 'Hermes' he said.It had to be Greek sounding. I intimated towards the end of our meeting that he was Greek. And he told me quite matter of fact and knowingly that we had met in an Orpheus school in another life. It seemed entirely logical and true. I told him that he was like a drink in a dessert. And he was. He then asked me if I had been to the desert and then proceeded to tell me he had lived with the Bedouin for some weeks and how they 'read' the sands and listened to the wind. After being questioned on why, I felt as if he totally understood why I with Veronica, was doing this project and that he would support it wholeheartedly. I was truly honoured. I found out that day that he had been voice- coach to the late- Diana, Princess of Wales also Anita Roddick of the body Shop fame as well as Margaret Thatcher of all people. He was commanding yet insecure in the sweetest of ways. I felt as if I had made a friend. At leat I hoped so. A very special person indeed.I had such a busy day. In the morning , it was duties for my grandfather, which always drained me, and it was intense , constant and demanding, Dealing with tenants and a constant stream of telephone calls. Then a meeting with Kirk at the Half Moon to start A music Network for Putney which I have titled - Powerlight Putney Music And Arts Platform in connection with Angelsoundstudio and Songseed - Monthly networking at Sally's Cafe at St.Mary's Church - Putney Bridge and performance opportunities at the Half Moon Pub and Music Venue. (A really long but descriptive name) I secured 3 dates for August , September And October to get the project off the ground, as well as later teaching singing and then rushing back for a meeting at the library about applying for an arts grant for the music networking project. Where my beloved was waiting for me. Followed by coffee and some great forward planning that seems to solidify our future in music .So much going on. Lorna said this morning , quite strangely, by text- out of the blue- from no-where- that it was to be a momentous day. And It was.Last night I had 2 and a half hours sleep and now again it's approaching 3.20 amExhausted but extremely thankful and somewhat Joyous.I bid you goodnight. And good day from a jubilant Alexis.Every day we are indeed - made new.
I love you. x

Why was it bothering me still and now

It happened so long ago, the memory re-surfaced from no-where, i was a little boy maybe a teenager , living in Cyprus and i can see the meal my mother made for me, microwaved jacket potato - it was not a large amount , it looked dry and unappealing- there was something with it - maybe Greek yoghurt or something- and I'm feeling really angry and hungry and thinking this is not enough, it is not going to fill me up- i want some real food some proper food.Although i ate it gratefull for the food. I wouldn't dare tell her that i wanted more - she would be furious, I had a nervous cough which drove her crazy, it was because i was so fearfull of her energy which seemed so powerful and overbearing full of anxt . I remember coming home from school during those teenage years in Cyprus and opening our fridge and seeing an old piece of Greek cheese (anari- it was called) wrapped in silver foil , in the door of the fridge- and a row of perfumes. L'air De Temps or something by Nina Ricci brought back from one of my dad's trips abroad. Kept in the fridge to not go off in the hot Cyprus weather- nothing else, no food.
I remember buying as many chocolates as i could and hiding them under my bed in my room and stuffing my face as quickly as i could before i got found out- we were not allowed chocolate unless my mother was having her period and was craving sugar, then we could have some, maybe even two. My mother was always obsessed with food and calories , it seemed i knew everything about how many calories were in things- I remember fit for life by Harvey and Marilyn diamond being a big thing- my mum had the video, and i remember Jane Fonda's video workout which my mum would do, and the plastic surgery. I remember seeing the bruising , it was horrific, my mother who i loved putting herself through torture and stupid men cutting her up so and bruising her arse so she could feel better about herself. So she could approve of herself and find approval from other people. OK so we did have food sometimes, of course we did. But this is the stuff that i really remember, the bruising , the anger and hurt i felt and how i had this terrible fear that has stayed with me even till today there there would not be enough food and that i would be hungry and that i had to gorge myself on chocolate and crisps and really quickly in case i got found out . I remember years later always standing in the corner with my face towards the wall and NEVER letting anyone see me eat in public otherwise they would see i was a greedy fat pig and how DARE a fat person eat . They should not eat till they were slim. This all sounds ridiculous I know. I am now 37 and these memories have just come up again. They replay in my head sometimes and have done for years- the same scenes over and over again- i remember all the Diet cokes - full of toxic Aspartame (i know now) that was my mothers and my aunts staple feel good drink. I have done so much work on myself knowing that my mother has done her best with the knowledge and awareness that she has , But the truth is i am really f...ing angry about being denied food as a child , and the child within me is crying out saying- you didn't notice me, you didn't hear me , you didn't acknowledge how much it hurt watching you bruised black and blue as you undid the bandages from your liposuction to reduce the size of your arse. I am really angry and upset that you did not love yourself enough and that nobody told you how to love yourself and that you could not teach me to love myself because you did not know how to love yourself.
I AM REALLY ANGRY WITH YOU THAT WERE YOU SO DUMB AND STUPID AND I AM HURTING BECAUSE YOU CAN'T SEE OR HEAR THIS- I WANT TO READ THIS TO YOU SO YOU CAN FEEL IT AND HEAR IT.
So now it is expressed , on the internet, through my fingers. I have to let it out because i must take responsibility for myself and my own healing and my own anger. And my own inner child that i must parent. At this moment with bitterness but as i express it through typing, i know and affirm that it is out of my body and it is healed, the past has no power over me. I take my inner child and my mother that did not know how to love herself and my hungry teenager and i nourish them all with love from my heart, because I am the wise parent to myself. I am the authority and the angel of healing overlooking all time that will shed light on this dark unhappy time. And i seal it with love and light knowing that all is well in my world and i release the past forgiving my mother for not loving herself, forgiving the plastic surgeon that cut and bruised her and forgiving her for allowing herself to do this to herself and all the people that helped to make her lose faith in her own beauty and natural perfection and beauty as a woman . I forgive these people. Because I have strong shoulders. Because I am now the adult. And the child I carry my little child within me and love them and tell them that they are perfect. And they don't need to change and they don't need to be criticised and they dont need to change or be thinner , they don't need to cut but a surgeon to make them accepted in the world. They are loved . They are perfect. I am perfect. I am good enough. I love and approve of myself exactly as I am. I am healthy whole and complete. And the rwason my mother took me to a plastic surgeon when i was 13 , even though i said no, and i cried, even though I went to please her, because i loved her and still do, just so i can be told that my fat could be removed by liposuction at 13 years old. And i refused to have it done, even though she offered to pay and that her sister was angry at her for taking me and so was I. I forgive her. I forgive her because she did not know how to love herself. And in turn she did not know how to love me or to teach me how to love myself. But I firgued it out. With the help of Louise L. Hay i figured it out and I am grateful . And I love myself. I love and approve of myself. And I love my mother and i give you the love that you could not give to yourself. And I heal you , with my forgivness , with my love for you and for yourself. I heal you. And I heal me. And I set us both free. I love you always. And so it is. It is safe for me to love.
And I love and approve of myself
And all is well in my loving and beautiful world.
And so it is
And so it shall be.
God bless us all.
Love yourself.

I dont want to vote

I have just been canvassed
I prefer not to vote believing in a spiritual solution rather than a political one.
some may consider that a narrow view frankly I don't care.
I am enjoying my Saturday , I am going to see The Lion King tonight invited by my oldest friend David who stayed over last night.
I had a very strange day the other day.
I was with a healer / psychic friend of mine Kheli
we went to Govindas the Hari Krishna restaurant on Soho Street for lunch
which was lovely although expensive - £9 for some brown rice and vegetables
he confused our order too- but worth it- as i feel the food there has a high vibrational quality which i have actually felt as i have digested it. After going to Watkins books and buying an Eilat stone a watermelon tourmaline and a 2 Blue Tourmaline's (1 as a gift for my friend Lorna)
We went to an art shop and then had a coffee in the Pret near Leicester square.
It was like sitting in 10 forward on the Star Ship Enterprise I commented .
Then in walks the man with the pyramid on his head who I had to speak to of course- if not only to acknowledge the Man's bravery. His name is Dominic. I had noticed him before some years back. I would like to interview him for the film I am planning to make this year.
The pyramid it turns out was invented by the grandson of Alexander Graham Bell- THE INVENTOR OF THE TELEPHONE!!!!! Dr Fred Bell (his company Pyradyne -which is fascinating by the way-produced the pyramids)Turns out Dr Bell died a couple of years back and was a NASA scientist. The technology - Dominic told me was channeled from the Plaideans - Domininic claims it helps him to concentrate- I saw a piece of his work - turns out he is a part time illustrator- He is a very talented man- His work was great! Dominic was also wearing a very unusual cosmic pendant- again channeled alien technology through Dr Bell. which had an emerald at the centre. Dominic claimed it shields him from alot of electro-magnetic and toxic environmental pollutants. Frankly I believe the man! Dominic mentioned to me in our brief chat that he was aware of people ridiculing him and speaking about him behind his back- I commended him for his bravery which I thought was noteworthy. At this point Kheli my friend vehemently stated that she needed air and would see me outside. Kheli is no stranger to aliens. After all we both met at the Aetherius society which is Britain's oldest UFO organisation set up by a cosmic master and interplanetary avatar who channeled information from various interplanetary sources. When I went outside to join Kheli she explained that she had to get away as she could distinctly feel that Dominic had 'walk ins' which are enteties which attach themself to someone through holes in their aura. Actually they are dead people in the spirit world that have not properly crossed over. At that moment i went into my bag and I took out a prayer which i was carrying to remove entities from the environment and from the auric energy field.
She pulled me to one side on the charing cross road as i read it aloud on our way to tottenham court road station.
What was funny (apart from the man with the pyramid on his head and him walking in after I said it's like being on the star ship enterprise bar -10 forward) was that just before this quite a few strange people had been in the vicinity. There was a lady who was on the phone who was staring at me and she had very 'mermaid' /star-person (alien) hybrid qualities. I had commented to Kheli about this. Prior to this a very strange man who was doing sideways splits at the counter while ordering his coffee and farting had been in the shop. We encountered quite a few colourful characters that day to say the least. That night before going to Karaoke with Lorna and Chris another friend I watched several you tube videos on Dr Bell and others which led to some very interesting discoveries for me- particularly about UFO's time shifting and suchlike.Also about Radionics which I have previously encountered in the Aetherius society.
I have been experiencing difficult times with my mother, which i have not written much about here. Next time

Pyramid Head

today i spoke to a man with a pyramid on his head